


Bone Apple Tea

by Iamacarrot



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Humor, Inspired by a Subreddit, Texting, This Is STUPID, r/boneappletea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23655031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamacarrot/pseuds/Iamacarrot
Summary: Mikey: I love Brazilians~Mikey: They be speaking Porch of Geese n I be like "Damn mommy! Quack Quack!"Donnie: Please, never have children.
Comments: 42
Kudos: 118





	1. Act-rest-if

**Author's Note:**

> Heads up: This will not be exclusively misspelled text conversations. I will make them somewhat typical to the actual TMNT personalities, but I mainly created this because I've been watching r/boneappletea videos for two hours straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screen Names:
> 
> Mother Potato - Leo
> 
> Anger Potato - Raph
> 
> Smart House - Donnie
> 
> Imagine-Nation - Mikey (Admin)
> 
> Papa - Splinter
> 
> Bed Head - Casey
> 
> Red Head - April

**Imagine-Nation** : Don.

 **Imagine-Nation** : Don.

 **Imagine-Nation** : Don.

 **Imagine-Nation** : Donnie.

 **Imagine-Nation** : Donnie!

 **Imagine-Nation** : DONNIE!

 **Smart House** : WHAT?! What could you possibly want?!

 **Imagine-Nation** : I was going to ask a serious question! U don't gotta b so ag rest iv!

 **Smart House** : Wait a second...

 **Smart House** : What did you just say???

 **Imagine-Nation** : Ag rest iv?

 **Imagine-Nation** : I mean... act-rest-if?

 **Imagine-Nation** : Oppressive?

 **Imagine-Nation** : Ingested?

 **Imagine-Nation** : That thing when your angry more than needed!

 **Anger Potato** : Are u tryin ta say "aggressive"?

 **Imagine-Nation** : That's how it's spelled?!

 **Anger Potato** : Yea. That's how it's spelled.

 **Mother Potato** : In all honesty, I don't know what should scare me more.

 **Mother Potato** : The fact that Mike is able to say the word normally in everyday speech

 **Mother Potato** : Or the fact that his spelling of the word got progressively worse as he kept trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't funny but please accept my bored crack.


	2. A Family of Spuds (Plus One Pet Raccoon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance for potential OOC characters.

_~ **Imagine-Nation** Has Changed Their Name to: **Baby Potato** ~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **Smart House** 's Name to: **Triple Potato** ~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **Bed Head** 's Name to: **Intruder Alert** ~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **Red Head** 's Name to: **Sister Potato** ~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **Papa** 's Name to: **Sensei** **Potato**_ ~

**Sister Potato** : Um, Mikey?

**Sister Potato** : Why did you rename everyone?

**Baby Potato** : I didn't want to discriminate.

**Triple Potato** : Against what or whom, if I may ask?

**Baby Potato** : uh, duh! Mother Potato and Anger Potato! I don't want Raph and Leo to feel left out by being the only potatoes in the family!

**Sensei Potato** : While I do question your choice of naming, I must say that I am proud of the thought, my son.

**Baby Potato** : See? Master Splinter's into it! :D

**Anger Potato** : Yeah? Well I ain't! Me and Leo were the first potatoes! We don't need anyone else!

**Baby Potato** : D:}

**Baby Potato** : MOM!

**Mother Potato** : Raph, let Mikey be fair with the name.

**Anger Potato** : Whatever, mom.

**Mother Potato** : Don't call me mom.

**Sister** **Potato** : Can I ask another quick question?

**Sister Potato** : Why is Casey the only one without the word "Potato" in his name?

**Baby Potato** : Oh!

**Baby Potato** : That's because he isn't a potato.

**Baby Potato** : He's more of a... uh... Raph? A little help?

**Anger Potato** : Casey's like more of a pet Raccoon.

**Intruder Alert** : You guys realize that I'm perfectly capable of checking my phone, right?

**Anger Potato** : Yeah? And?

**Baby Potato** : We didn't doubt that for a second!

**Intruder Alert** : 'kay.

**Intruder Alert** : Just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page about that.

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **Intruder Alert** 's Name to: **Spud Family Pet** ~_

**Spud Family Pet** : Sometimes I question why I allow myself to be associated with this family...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun to write.


	3. Periodic Banter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing was based off a Tumblr post I saw.

**Triple Potato** : And so then I told the guy to Fluorine Uranium Calcium Potassium off!

**Spud Family Pet** : Uh... what?

**Baby Potato** : Ooh! I love this game! I wanna play!

**Triple Potato** : What? Mike, I'm not starting a game.

**Baby Potato** : One time I got really mad at a Foot ninja, and I told him to Lithium Carbon Potassium my Carbon Oxygen Carbon Potassium!

**Triple Potato** : MICHELANGELO! How DARE YOU use such language?!

**Baby Potato** : Uh, no offense Dee but...

**Baby Potato** : The last time I checked I was 16 years old.

**Baby Potato** : Besides! I like using smart words to get away with stuff!

**Triple Potato** : What have I done to you?

**Baby Potato** : Taught me a skill that would make even Karai Boron Lutetium Sodium Hydrogen.

**Triple Potato** : Mikey, I hope you realize this is a group chat.

**Triple Potato** : Everyone can see what we're saying.

**Baby Potato** : UwU

**Anger** **Potato** : Oi!

**Anger Potato** : What'd I say about using that face?!

**Anger Potato** : And what were you two even saying?

**Baby Potato** : Mr. Innocent Boi will never tell.

**Baby Potato** : Bao bao baby.

**Spud Family** **Pet** : I am very confused.

**Baby Potato** : Confuzzled is he?

**Baby Potato** : Poor Raccoon.

**Mother Potato** : Guys, please.

**Mother Potato** : Your spamming is making it difficult for me to meditate.

**Baby Potato** : Silence your phone then mom!

**Baby Potato** : Simple problems call for simple solutions!

**Baby Potato** : And you call yourself wise!

**Mother** **Potato** : No, Mike. I don't call myself wise.

**Mother Potato** : But I prefer to be ready to respond to any sort of serious texts.

**Mother Potato** : Kinda hard to do that when you three are arguing about who knows what...

**Baby Potato** : *Doubts in Japanese*

**Spud Family Pet** : Alright, I'm leaving this conversation.

**Spud Family Pet** : All I wanted was to ask Don for help, and now I'm stuck watching a dispute over what can only be described as Mikey using some sort of secret code to curse.

**Spud Family Pet** : Or something along those lines.

**Spud Family Pet** : So see ya!

**Mother Potato** : Wait. Mikey was cursing?

**Baby Potato** : NO!

**Triple Potato** : Yes. He was.

**Baby Potato** : No I wasn't! But even if I was, Don started it!

**Triple Potato** : I will neither confirm nor deny that fact.

**Triple Potato** : I will, however, advise Leo to oh-so nonchalantly check the kitchen for a stray Michelangelo.

**Baby Potato** : I think not!

**Baby Potato** : *Ollies Out*

**Anger Potato** : You gonna handle him, or can I?

**Mother Potato** : Do what you want, Raph. As long as I can get back to my meditation.

**Anger Potato** : Hell yeah!

**Mother Potato** : Don't curse.

**Anger Potato** : Whatever, mom.

**Mother Potato** : Don't call me mom.

**Triple** **Potato** : I have to go as well. There are a few inventions of mine that need calibrating.

**Mother Potato** : Be prepared to hear a lengthy lecture about your supposed foul language.

**Triple Potato** : Yeah, yeah, sure.


	4. On the Subject of Mr. Teddy

**Baby Potato** : LEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Baby Potato** : LEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Baby Potato** : MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

**Baby Potato** : *Sounds of Distress*

**Mother Potato** : Mikey, what do you want?

**Baby Potato** : LEEEEOOOOO!

**Mother Potato** : WWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTT???

**Baby Potato** : It's Mr. Teddy!

**Baby Potato** : He's sickly!

**Mother Potato** : What?

**Mother Potato** : How can a toy get sick?

**Baby Potato** : I don't knooooooooowwwww!

**Baby Potato** : HEEEEEEELLLLLLP HIIIIIIIIIIM!

**Baby Potato** : His life depends on it!

**Mother Potato** : Mikey, I'm sure your teddy bear will be fine.

**Baby Potato** : NOOOOOOO HE WOOOOOOON'T!

**Mother Potato** : YEEEEEESSSSS HE WIIIIIILLLL.

**Anger Potato** : WTF is wrong with you two???

**Anger Potato** : And since when does Leo do the stretchy word thing???

**Mother Potato** : Mikey's teddy bear is "sick"

**Baby Potato** : It's a real sickness Leo!

**Baby Potato** : It's life or death!

**Baby Potato** : I can't live without Mr. Teddy!

**Baby Potato** : He's too special!

**Anger Potato** : Yeah, if by special you mean "A Disgusting Waste of Space Covered in Dirt and Slobber", then I agree.

**Baby Potato** : NNNNNNOOOOOOO!

**Baby Potato** : *More Distress*

**Baby Potato** : I'm gonna curse!

**Mother Potato** : Michelangelo, don't you dare.

**Baby Potato** : Okay.

**Baby** **Potato** : ...

**Baby Potato** : Heck. :3

**Triple Potato** : Could you three please _NOT?_

**Triple Potato** : I'm _TRYING_ to work on a special formula.

**Baby Potato** : *Gasp of Shock*

**Baby Potato** : How'd you do that Dee?!

**Triple Potato** : Do what?

**Baby Potato** : The slant-y word thing!

**Triple Potato** : Oh!

**Triple Potato** : Just input the code <i> on both sides of a word and it will automatically become italicized.

**Baby** **Potato** : _*Tries Out the Code*_

**Baby Potato** : _OMG! It works!_

**Baby Potato** : _I love this!_

**Mother Potato** : Mikey, please don't text like that 24/7...

**Baby Potato** : _What about 12/5?_

**Mother** **Potato** : No.

**Baby Potato** : _6/4?_

**Mother Potato** : No.

**Baby Potato** : _3/3?_

**Mother Potato** : Hmm...

**Mother Potato** : Fine.

**Baby Potato** : YES! Monday, Wed-nes-day, Friday baby!

**Triple Potato** : Wait, you break up the word Wednesday?

**Baby Potato** : Yea.

**Baby Potato** : It's the only way I can remember how to spell it.

**Baby Potato** : Wed

**Baby Potato** : nes

**Baby Potato** : day.

**Mother Potato** : Hold on.

**Mother Potato** : How did we go from talking about your teddy bear to talking about spelling?

**Baby Potato** : MR. TEDDY!

**Baby Potato** : He's dYInG!

**Baby Potato** : SAVE HIM DONNIE!

**Baby** **Potato** : HE NEEDS _HELP!_

**Triple Potato** : LEO! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

**Mother** **Potato** : Oops.

**Mother Potato** : My bad.

**Anger Potato** : Better run Don.

**Anger Potato** : Mikey's goin' 80 in a 5.

**Triple Potato** : YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS LEO!

**Anger Potato** : Heheh.

**Anger Potato** : Poor Don.

**Mother Potato** : Yep.

**Anger Potato** : So...

**Anger Potato** : What now?

**Mother Potato** : I don't know about you, but I'm going to practice my katas.

**Anger Potato** : Teacher's pet.

**Mother Potato** : *We're Sorry, the Owner of This Phone Does Not Accept Insults or Sarcasm. Please Try Again When You Have Learned Some Manners and Etiquette.*

**Anger Potato** : Only you would do this.


	5. 01001000 01101001

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna know the translations beforehand I suggest you read the notes at the bottom before continuing on with this chapter. :)

**Baby Potato** : 01001000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01000100 01101111 01101110 01101110 01101001 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101111 01101011 00100001 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101100 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01110101 00100000 01101110 01110101 01101101 01100010 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101100 00100001

**Anger Potato** : What the actual...

**Mother Potato** : Mikey, what have I told you about spamming the group text with numbers?

**Baby Potato** : Uh... nothing?

**Mother Potato** : That's because I shouldn't have to tell you!

**Triple Potato** : Mikey, why are you even texting in Binary Code? It's a complete waste of space and code.

**Baby Potato** : .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .-. .- - .... . .-. / .. / - -.-- .--. . -.. / .. -. / -.. .- ... .... / -.-. --- -.. . ..--..

**Triple Potato** : No. Not really.

**Baby Potato** : ):}

**Baby Potato** : Mean.

**Mother Potato** : You still haven't answered Don's question.

**Baby Potato** : I wanted to be unique.

**Baby Potato** : Y u no let bby b unique?

**Triple Potato** : It appalls me that the only real words in that sentence are "no", "let", and "unique"...

**Mother Potato** : Mike, you're allowed to be unique, but could you at least try to be unique in a less confusing and time consuming way?

**Baby Potato** : Okay mama.

**Baby Potato** : )':}

**Anger Potato** : I swear, every time I text with you guys I lose thousands of brain cells...

**Triple Potato** : Scientifically speaking, the chances of killing off brain cells (even a few) is incredibly difficult.

**Triple Potato** : Though many people claim to go through many trials that have destroyed brain cells, it is more likely that they oalnosufkuibudoabdn

**Baby Potato** : ?

**Mother Potato** : Uhh... Don?

**Anger Potato** : Don't worry. He's fine.

**Mother Potato** : Raph, what did you do?

**Anger Potato** : I tied him up and put duct tape over his mouth.

**Mother Potato** : YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

**Anger Potato** : Nope.

**Mother Potato** : Ugh!

**Anger Potato** : And the mother hen has left the coop.

**Mother Potato** : Don't call me a Mother Hen!

**Baby Potato** : What about Mama Hen?

**Baby Potato** : Hmmmmm?

**Mother Potato** : No comment.

**Anger Potato** : Gah, I hate you both so much rn.

**Mother Potato** : I'm going to go help Donnie now.

**Anger Potato** : Whateva.

**Baby Potato** : 01010010 01100001 01110000 01101000 01101001 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100001

**Baby Potato** : .-. .- .--. .... .. . / .. ... / .. -. / - .-. --- ..- -... .-.. . -.-.--

**Mother** **Potato** : Michelangelo...

**Baby Potato** : UwU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Translations":
> 
> 01001000 01101001: Hi
> 
> 01001000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01000100 01101111 01101110 01101110 01101001 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101111 01101011 00100001 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101100 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01110101 00100000 01101110 01110101 01101101 01100010 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101100 00100001: Hey Donnie look! I'm talking to u thru numbers lol!
> 
> .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .-. .- - .... . .-. / .. / - -.-- .--. . -.. / .. -. / -.. .- ... .... / -.-. --- -.. . ..--..: Would you rather I talk in Dash Code?
> 
> 01010010 01100001 01110000 01101000 01101001 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100001: Raphie is in trouble!
> 
> .-. .- .--. .... .. . / .. ... / .. -. / - .-. --- ..- -... .-.. . -.-.--: Raphie is in trouble!


	6. Spider

**Baby Potato** : MOM!

 **Baby Potato** : MOM! THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY ROOM!

 **Baby** **Potato** : MOM! HELP ME! HE WANTS TO EAT ME!

 **Baby Potato** : MAMA!

 **Baby Potato** : MAMA?!

 **Mother Potato** : Hello, your Mother Potato has been subjected to the unfortunate fate of being held captive and saved for dinner. Please do continue to be horrified, as it makes my victims tastier and easier to consume.

 **Mother Potato** : Sincerely: Spider.

 **Baby Potato** : I HATE YOU LEO!

 **Baby** **Potato** : RAPHIE! HELP ME!

 **Anger Potato** : Hahaha! You think you have escaped my wrath? I have captured your strongest brother as well! He shall perish along with your leader!

 **Baby Potato** : RAPHIE! NOT YOU TOO!

 **Baby Potato** : DONNIE!

 **Triple Potato** : Oh, poor little one. There is no way to escape me...

 **Triple Potato** : To escape _us_.

 **Baby Potato** : _US?!?!?_

 **Triple Potato** : That is right.

 **Mother Potato** : Us, Michelangelo.

 **Anger Potato** : We have you surrounded.

 **Mother Potato** : You will soon suffer with your brothers...

 **Triple Potato** : Suffer with them greatly...

 **Anger Potato** : You will watch them struggle and shout as they are eaten alive...

 **Triple Potato** : And then...

 **Anger** **Potato** : You...

 **Triple Potato** : Will...

 **Mother Potato** : DIE!

 **Baby Potato** : NOOOOOOIABF JGUHVOADIAINJDIUBFWOYBWFUB

 **Anger Potato** : PFFT! HAHAHA!

 **Triple Potato** : Oh geez Mike! I can't believe you fell for that!

 **Anger Potato** : You lil dummy! There's no spiders!

 **Anger Potato** : Mikey?

 **Anger Potato** : Uh... Mike?

 **Mother Potato** : Guys, I think we took this too far.

 **Mother Potato** : Mikey just raced into my room and freaked out when he saw me on my bed.

 **Triple Potato** : Oh boy. This is gonna take him a while to get over.

 **Anger Potato** : Why and how did you two convince me to do this?

 **Triple Potato** : I don't know Raph.

 **Triple Potato** : I do not know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Disclaimer: No Mikeys were physically harmed by spiders in this chapter. Our poor orange boy was immediately cuddled and given cookies and milk to help chase his nightmares away. :)


	7. Love

**Baby** **Potato** : Guys?

**Baby Potato** : I just wanna let you know that I love you.

**Baby Potato** : I know that I say that a lot, but I really mean it.

**Baby Potato** : You guys mean the world to me, and I could never imagine a world without you.

**Baby Potato** : Every day I wake up, I fear that I might not see you, that I'll never be able to talk to you again, and that the last thing I had ever said was something mean or stupid.

**Baby Potato** : I always want to make sure you guys feel your best, that you feel as happy as possible...

**Baby Potato** : I feel like it's my job to make sure you're happy, to make sure that you remember to take a break from being ninjas.

**Baby** **Potato** : Our lives are completely fucked up as is, and I know that we would all fall apart if we just fell into a funky state.

**Baby Potato** : I just don't want us all to go crazy and end up doing something we might regret later...

**Baby Potato** : And I know I'm ranting, and I'm sorry, but I just needed you guys to know...

**Baby Potato** : Sorry...

**Spud Family Pet** : Listen Mike, we luv ya 2, and I'm glad that u got that off ur chest, but PLS. It's 3 IN THE MORNING.

**Sister Potato** : Yeah Mikey.

**Sister Potato** : We love you with all of our hearts, but you chose a really strange time to blow up our phones.

**Baby Potato** : I'm sorry...

**Mother Potato** : Mikey, hon, they didn't mean it like that. We're just sleepy. It's been a really long day.

**Mother Potato** : I'm proud of you for letting us know about your concern and care for us. It's a very mature thing to do.

**Anger Potato** : Ugh! Can u guys get any more mushy?! I'm tryna sleep!

**Baby Potato** : Sorry Raphie.

**Anger Potato** : Nuh-uh! U ain't givin me none o' that apologizin' fer nothin shit!

**Anger Potato** : I'll storm inta yer fuckin room and squeeze yer head off if I have to!

**Anger Potato** : Hit ya with pillows while I'm at it!

**Mother Potato** : Raph, go back to sleep. I'll handle this.

**Mother Potato** : Mikey? Do you need to come sleep with me tonight?

**Baby Potato** : No. I'll be okay.

**Mother Potato** : Alright, but you know that you're welcome in my room whenever needed.

**Baby Potato** : I know. Goodnight Leo.

**Mother Potato** : Goodnight Mikey.

**Spud Family Pet** : Night Mike.

**Sister Potato** : Goodnight sweetie.

**Baby Potato** : Goodnight Case. Night April.

**Baby Potato** : I love you.

**Mother Potato** : We love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mikey then proceeded to wait thirty minutes before sneaking into Leo's room and cuddling his older brother aggressively throughout the rest of the night.


	8. Search History

**Triple Potato** : Um, Leo?

**Triple Potato** : We have a bit of a problem including Mikey.

**Mother Potato** : What??? What's wrong?! Is he hurt?! Is he sick?!

**Triple Potato** : No, he isn't sick or hurt Mama Bear, but he might be when you find out what I've seen.

**Mother** **Potato** : WHAT DID YOU SEE?!

**Triple Potato** : I've been looking through his search history, and it seems like Mikey's been searching up _massive amounts_ of... well...

**Mother Potato** : Of _what?!?!?_

**Triple Potato** : P

**Mother Potato** : What???

**Triple** **Potato** : o

**Mother Potato** : Wait.

**Triple** **Potato** : r

**Mother Potato** : NO!

**Triple Potato** : n

**Mother Potato** : NO! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING ABOUT MY BABY!

**Triple Potato** : I wish I was...

**Triple Potato** : But it appears that our baby brother has finally learned about the awful truth of life creation.

**Triple Potato** : He is now no longer an innocent potato.

**Anger Potato** : Damn

**Anger Potato** : Just thinking about the fact that Mikey isn't that innocent is kind of a mind screw.

**Anger Potato** : I mean, I know he's the same age as us but...

**Anger Potato** : Idek what to say at this point.

**Triple Potato** : Speaking of saying things; Leo? Why haven't you got on Raph for cursing?

**Anger Potato** : Oh yeah.

**Anger Potato** : Why haven't you?

**Triple Potato** : Leo?

**Anger Potato** : Uhh... Leo?

**Anger Potato** : Hold up. Did that scream just come from Mikey?

**Triple Potato** : I think so.

**Triple Potato** : Did _that_ scream come from Leo?

**Anger Potato** : Pretty sure it did.

**Triple Potato** : Think we should help Mike?

**Anger Potato** : Let's wait until Leo threatens to spank him or some dumb shit like that.

**Triple Potato** : Done and done.

**Anger Potato** : Alright. Now we can help.


	9. Foodgasm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crack. This chapter is 93.5% crack.
> 
> Y o u h a v e b e e n w a r n e d

**Baby** **Potato** : Son

**Baby Potato** : of

**Baby Potato** : a

**Baby Potato** : biscuit

**Baby Potato** : eater!

**Baby Potato** : I just had the best. Foodgasm. _EVER!_

**Anger** **Potato** : I'm sorry, the best WHAT NOW?

**Baby** **Potato** : Foodgasm, bro!

**Baby Potato** : Y'know! That thing where you eat something and it's _so freakin good_ that it makes you wanna just...

**Baby Potato** : _M E L T_

**Baby Potato** : April just made the _best cookies ever_ , and I _still_ feel like I'm riding out that high!

**Baby** **Potato** : Those cookies were so good!

**Baby Potato** : Gosh, I just wanna... I wanna...

**Baby** **Potato** : I WANNA HAVE THEIR BABIES!

**Baby** **Potato** : I WANT THEM TO IMPREGNATE ME SO WE CAN HAVE COOKIE/MUTANT TURTLE HYBRIDS!

**Spud Family Pet** : Wow. Aggressive much?

**Spud Family Pet** : I doubt they were THAT good.

**Baby Potato** : You didn't taste them Casey!

**Baby Potato** : Eating those cookies was like making love to the most amazing person in the world!

**Baby Potato** : Just _talking about them_ has me shuddering!

**Baby Potato** : I need _MORE!_

**Baby Potato** : _M O A R!_

**Triple Potato** : Mikey? Are you okay?

**Triple Potato** : Because you sound like you're high.

**Baby Potato** : You'd better believe it!

**Anger** **Potato** : Believe you're okay or believe you're high?

**Baby Potato** : Believe I'm about to shove another one of that sweet goodness into my mouth like a whore!

**Mother Potato** : _W H A T ? ? ?_

**Spud Family Pet** : Haha! Leo totally joined this conversation at the wrong time!

**Mother Potato** : WHAT AM I READING???

**Anger Potato** : Mikey had some sorta "Foodgasm" or whatever.

**Mother Potato** : Okay, but...

**Mother Potato** : Is someone going to give me context on this conversation, or am I supposed to go through a bunch of questioning for myself?!?!?!?

**Spud Family Pet** : To sum things up, Mikey ate some cookies April made that were apparently the "best cookies ever".

**Baby Potato** : They're perfect, Leo...

**Baby Potato** : _P E R F E C T_

**Mother Potato** : I... I don't...

**Mother Potato** : You know what? I'm not going to get roped any farther into this.

**Mother** **Potato** : I'm going to meditate.

**Anger Potato** : Wait! Leo! I need to tell you something before you go!

**Mother Potato** : What?

**Anger Potato** : Foodgasm.

**Mother Potato** : Damn you to Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admit it; Leo's "WHAT AM I READING???" comment pretty much sums up how you're reacting to this chapter.
> 
> That's how I felt when I did a beta read of it. ~_~


	10. Feelin' the Beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: "Sexy Love" by Ne-Yo

**Baby Potato** : My sexy love...

**Triple** **Potato** : Uh, what?

**Spud Family Pet** : So sexy...

**Triple Potato** : Huh???

**Baby Potato** : Mmmm

**Baby Potato** : She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up

**Baby** **Potato** : Just one touch

**Triple Potato** : Wait, _what?_

**Baby Potato** : and I erupt like a volcano and cover her with my love

**Triple Potato** : WTH?! That's _disgusting!_

**Baby Potato** : Baby girl you make me say

**Spud Family Pet** : Ooh, ooh, ooh

**Baby Potato** : And I just can't think

**Spud Family Pet** : of anything else I'd rather do

**Triple Potato** : I'm so confused and concerned right now.

**Baby Potato** : Than to hear you sing

**Spud Family Pet** : Sing my name the way you do

**Baby Potato** : When we do our thing

**Spud Family Pet** : When we do the things we do

**Triple Potato** : Is this your way of telling me something?!

**Baby Potato** : Ooh baby girl you make me say 

**Spud Family Pet** : Ooh, ooh, ohh

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love, girl the things you do

**Baby Potato** : Oh baby, baby

**Spud Family Pet** : Keep me sprung, keep me running back to you

**Baby Potato** : Oh baby I

**Spud Family Pet** : Ooh I love, making love to you~

**Baby Potato** : Baby girl you know you're my

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love...

**Triple Potato** : I. Am so. Concerned.

**Baby Potato** : I'm so addicted to her, she's the sweetest drug

**Baby Potato** : Just enough, still too much

**Baby Potato** : say that I'm simp and I'm sprung on all of the above, I can't help she makes me say

**Spud Family Pet** : Ooh, ooh, ooh

**Baby Potato** : And I just can't think

**Spud Family Pet** : Of anything else I'd rather do.

**Triple** **Potato** : I'm calling Leo...

**Baby Potato** : Than to hear you sing

**Spud Family Pet** : Sing my name the way you do

**Baby Potato** : When we do our thing

**Spud Family Pet** : When we do the things we do

**Baby Potato** : Baby girl you make me say

**Spud Family Pet** : Ooh, ooh, ooh

**Baby Potato** : My sexy love

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love, girl the things you do

**Baby Potato** : Oh baby, baby

**Spud Family Pet** : Keep me sprung, keep me running back to you

**Baby Potato** : Oh baby I

**Spud Family Pet** : Oh I love, making love to you

**Baby Potato** : Say baby girl you're my

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love

**Triple Potato** : Leo is about to join this chat.

**Triple Potato** : He was pretty pissed when I told him what you two were typing...

**Baby Potato** : Oh baby what we do makes the sun comes up

**Baby Potato** : Keep on lovin' 'til it goes back down

**Triple Potato** : You _would_ keep at it.

**Baby Potato** : And I don't know what I'd do if I would lose your touch

**Baby Potato** : Which is why I'm always keepin' you around

**Baby Potato** : My sexy love!

**Mother Potato** : Michelangelo! What do you think you're doing?!

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love, girl the things you do

**Baby Potato** : things you do baby

**Mother Potato** : CASEY?! Stop this right now! Don't you see what you're doing to my brother?!

**Spud Family Pet** : Keep me sprung, keep me running back to you

**Baby Potato** : Keep me runnin' back to you!

**Mother Potato** : CASEY JONES!

**Spud Family Pet** : Oh I love

**Baby Potato** : I love

**Spud Family Pet** : making love to you

**Baby Potato** : Say baby girl you know your my

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love

**Mother Potato** : HAMATO MICHELANGELO!

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love, girl the things you do

**Baby Potato** : Sexy love!

**Spud Family Pet** : Keep me sprung, keep me runnin' back to you

**Baby Potato** : Runnin' back to you!

**Spud Family Pet** : Ooh I love, making love to you

**Baby Potato** : Love to you

**Baby Potato** : Baby girl, know you're my

**Spud Family Pet** : Sexy love

**Mother Potato** : MICHELANGELO! CASEY! I AM _BEGGING YOU_ TO _S T O P!_

**Baby Potato** : She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up

**Baby Potato** : Just one touch...

**Spud Family** **Pet** : AND SCENE!

**Baby Potato** : That was AWESOME!

**Baby** **Potato** : Donnie! Leo! Did you like the song?

**Triple Potato** : ...Song...?

**Baby Potato** : Yeah! It's a song Casey and I heard on the radio last night!

**Baby** **Potato** : We decided to text out the words to sing with the song next time!

**Triple Potato** : I...

**Triple Potato** : I don't even know what to say...

**Triple Potato** : Leo...?

**Mother Potato** : I'm getting too old for this bull crap.

**Spud Family Pet** : Pfft!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun-Fact: This whole thing was Mikey's idea, meaning that Leo unjustly blamed Casey for doing something Mikey is very clearly capable of constructing.


	11. After Effects

**Anger Potato** : Alright Don, tell me the truth!

**Anger Potato** : How much of that silly gas did you give to Mikey?!

**Anger Potato** : He's drivin' me up the walls crazy!

**Triple Potato** : Like I've told you eight times already, Raphael, I have given Michael the exact amount of Nitrous Oxide that would affect the standard human male.

**Triple Potato** : Knowing you, however, I don't expect to be able to explain what that amount is before you start complaining about how you don't understand my "nerd speak". Sort of sad considering how you could benefit from a few science lessons yourself, maybe then you'd be able to tell the difference between a punch and a logical conversation.

**Anger Potato** : B I T C H

**Triple Potato** : :)

**Anger Potato** : AGH! MIKEY'S CRYING NOW!

**Triple Potato** : What about?

**Anger Potato** : He keeps shouting the words "I want mommy, where is mommy?"

**Triple Potato** : So...

**Triple Potato** : He wants to know where Leo is?

**Anger Potato** : Probably.

**Triple Potato** : Hehe. That's funny.

**Anger Potato** : What?

**Triple Potato** : Leo's perfectly fine with Mikey calling him mom.

**Anger Potato** : So?

**Triple Potato** : I guess that means we're better off with Leo as a hypothetical mom.

**Anger Potato** : Because...?

**Triple Potato** : He's the one who saved multiple female reptiles from taking the responsibility of dealing with a mutated gremlin with a terrible fashion sense who's two years away from eating his first chicken leg at midnight.

**Anger Potato** : . . .

**Triple Potato** : It's you.

**Triple Potato** : I'M TALKING ABOUT _Y O U_.


	12. Ultimate

**Anger Potato** : I just realized somethin'

**Anger Potato** : Mikey and Leo are the ultimate virgins.

**Anger Potato** : Like, Mikey would never be able to have sex until Leo allows him to, and Leo probably won't ever have sex at all.

**Baby Potato** : I think not!

**Baby Potato** : I'm going against the rules!

**Baby Potato** : I'm gonna go out and find someone freaky enough to lay in bed with me and do the do!

**Baby Potato** : The big S!

**Baby Potato** : The nasty!

**Baby Potato** : The life maker!

**Anger Potato** : Mikey. Stop.

**Anger Potato** : We never even told you how sex works.

**Baby Potato** : I could learn...

**Baby Potato** : They got websites...

**Triple Potato** : Michael, stop talking.

**Triple Potato** : Leo already got on you for having a bunch of "interesting search history," and I don't intend on saving you from another lecture mixed with a round of flips.

**Baby Potato** : Hey! It isn't my fault you two don't know how to deal with me growing up!

**Mother Potato** : Mikey...

**Anger Potato** : Uh-oh! Look who decided to come and play with us!

**Anger Potato** : What's up mom?

**Mother Potato** : Do. Not. Call. Me. Mom.

**Anger Potato** : I. Do. What. I. Want.

**Baby Potato** : I'm. Going. To. Bed.

**Triple Potato** : So. Am. I.

**Spud Family Pet** : You. Are. All. Idiots.


	13. Sleepless Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting a chapter yesterday. I was feeling bummed out and didn't really have the motivation for writing anything.

**Baby Potato** : Mama? Are you awake?

 **Baby Potato** : I can't sleep.

 **Anger Potato** : Same here.

 **Baby Potato** : Raphie? What's wrong?

 **Anger Potato** : I should be asking you the same thing.

 **Baby Potato** : I don't matter right now.

 **Baby Potato** : Why can't you sleep?

 **Anger Potato** : Oy, you're too caring for your own good, ya know that Pipsqueak?

 **Baby Potato** : Raaaaaaaph, don't evade the question!

 **Anger Potato** : Alright, alright.

 **Anger Potato** : For the past few days I've just been a bit on edge.

 **Anger Potato** : Our lives are just... so dangerous.

 **Anger Potato** : I hate to think about it, but it's so difficult not to.

 **Anger Potato** : I try so hard to make sure you guys are all safe, but even I know that I can't be there 24/7.

 **Anger Potato** : If I'm being honest, being unable to protect my family scares me more than anything else in the world.

 **Baby Potato** : Really? Even more than your bike being scratched?

 **Anger Potato** : _Mike..._

 **Baby Potato** : Even more than learning your favorite wrestling channel was cancelled?

 **Anger Potato** : Mike...

 **Baby Potato** : Even more than not having a newspaper to read?

 **Anger Potato** : Oh my goodness.

 **Baby** **Potato** : Even more than not being able to chase after me when I make a face like this

 **Baby Potato** : UwU

 **Anger Potato** : You're an idiot, ya know that?

 **Baby Potato** : Maybe.

 **Baby Potato** : You still love me though, right?

 **Anger Potato** : Of course I do, Pipsqueak!

 **Anger Potato** : Why do ya need ta ask?

 **Baby Potato** : No reason! I'm just glad you could say it!

 **Anger Potato** : Right...

 **Anger Potato** : So, you wanna talk about why you couldn't sleep?

 **Baby Potato** : Nah! I'm actually feeling better! Goodnight Raph!

 **Anger Potato** : Mikey, ya know that you can trust me with this kinda stuff.

 **Anger Potato** : Trust _us._

 **Baby Potato** : I _do_ , Raph. I trust you all. But I'm just sleepy now.

 **Baby Potato** : You helped me feel better by allowing me to make you feel better.

 **Baby Potato** : :)

 **Baby Potato** : That's all I needed.

 **Anger Potato** : Hmm... fine.

 **Baby Potato** : Goodnight Raphie.

 **Anger Potato** : 'night Pipsqueak.


	14. Mama For Sale

**Baby Potato** : Hey April! Do you know anyone who wants a new mama?

**Sister Potato** : Uhh... what?

**Baby Potato** : I'm selling my mama for Mother's Day.

**Sister Potato** : Mikey, Mother's Day is on the 10th of May.

**Sister Potato** : Plus, I'm pretty sure Leo wouldn't appreciate being sold.

**Baby** **Potato** : But I have to have some money to buy something for mama!

**Baby Potato** : And the only way to get enough money is to sell something valuable to me!

**Sister Potato** : Aww! That's so sweet!

**Sister Potato** : But I still don't think it's a good idea.

**Baby Potato** : Well, I'm gonna sell him anyways.

**Mother Potato** : Mikey, don't even think about it.

**Baby Potato** : But moooooooooom!

**Mother Potato** : No! I'm not telling you this again!

**Anger Potato** : But moooooooooom!

**Mother Potato** : Raphael, call me mom one more time and I will bitch slap you.

**Mother Potato** : WAIT! I DIDN'T SAY THAT!

**Baby Potato** : *Gasp* Mommy cursed!

**Triple Potato** : Hold on, what's happening?

**Baby Potato** : Mama's gonna bitch slap Raphie.

**Triple Potato** : _WHAT?_

**Mother Potato** : Don, I can explain.

**Mother Potato** : Today's just been really stressful, and I've been holding back a few things.

**Mother Potato** : I didn't mean to curse, and no, Mikey, you aren't allowed to do the same just because of a slip-up.

**Baby Potato** : You're no fun.

**Mother Potato** : Cursing isn't fun.

**Mother Potato** : It's rude and uncultured.

**Baby** **Potato** : Okay, but...

**Baby Potato** : Is hell a bad word?

**Triple Potato** : Technically, it depends on the context.

**Mother Potato** : Donnie! Don't encourage this behavior!

**Sister Potato** : Okay, it's getting late. I'm going to bed.

**Baby Potato** : Goodnight sis!

**Anger Potato** : 'night April.

**Triple Potato** : Goodnight April.

**Mother Potato** : Sleep well.

**Baby Potato** : Hey mom?

**Mother Potato** : What, Mike?

**Baby Potato** : Bitch slap.

**Mother Potato** : Go to bed.


	15. Confidence? What's That?

**Baby Potato** : Mom, I wanna come home.

 **Mother Potato** : Mikey, we went over this.

 **Mother Potato** : You're 15 years old, and you should have enough confidence to stay over at a friend's house without us for one night.

 **Spud Family** **Pet** : Yea, this is coming from the guy who supposedly gave Mikey 24 goodnight kisses before he left.

 **Spud Family Pet** : While it was 3:15 in the afternoon.

 **Baby Potato** : You don't know what it's like, Casey!

 **Baby** **Potato** : Leo always gives me five minutes of goodnight cuddles, followed directly by two goodnight kisses!

 **Spud Family Pet** : Then why did he give you 24???

 **Triple Potato** : Because Leo was just as nervous as Mikey.

 **Triple Potato** : You would not believe how rare it is for Leo to not give Mikey a goodnight kiss.

 **Triple Potato** : Even if they're upset with each other.

 **Anger Potato** : And here Leo is, talking about confidence when he can't even handle seeing his baby boy going off on his own.

 **Mother Potato** : I was showing brotherly concern, Raphael, and you know it!

 **Spud Family Pet** : Wow. This is just sad.

 **Baby Potato** : Yeah, but with that out of the way

 **Baby Potato** : WTF is considered confidence in a situation like this?!

 **Baby Potato** : Like, is confidence being able to raid the fridge in the middle of the night because you know that you're going to stress eat and that you don't want to make things awkward by eating everything in front of your friend's family and then make a fool out of yourself by trying to acknowledge the fact that you'll never be a good enough friend?!

 **Baby Potato** : Oh gosh! Don! I feel like I'm having a heart attack!

 **Triple Potato** : Mikey, breathe!

 **Triple Potato** : You have your inhaler with you, so use it.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Uhh... Mikey has asthma?

 **Anger Potato** : Yea

 **Triple Potato** : Yes.

 **Mother Potato** : Yes, he does.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Since WHEN?

 **Triple Potato** : Oh Mikey's always had asthma.

 **Triple Potato** : He had just managed to- somehow -sneak that fact past us for years.

 **Anger Potato** : I gotta admit, whenever that nutball wants something really bad, he does a pretty good job at doing what needs to be done.

 **Mother Potato** : A fact that I am incredibly proud of.

 **Spud Family Pet** : He's not gonna start cryin' over this is he?

 **Anger Potato** : Probably

 **Triple Potato** : Most likely.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Wow, you guys are really wrapped around Mike's finger.

 **Anger Potato** : Pfft! As if!

 **Anger Potato** : The only one wrapped around Mikey's finger is Mommy-Cries-a-Lot.

 **Mother Potato** : sHuT uP i'M nOt cRYinG!

 **Mother Potato** : yOu'Re crYInG!

 **Triple Potato** : Oh, this is worse than we thought.

 **Mother Potato** : I miss my baby so much!

 **Spud Family Pet** : He's not dead, Leo. Geez.

 **Anger Potato** : Just let him have this, Case.

 **Anger Potato** : He needs a good cry.

 **Baby Potato** : Okay, I'm back.

 **Baby Potato** : Sorry it took so long, but my friend's dad tried to give me CPR.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Eww

 **Baby Potato** : Yeah, it was gross.

 **Baby Potato** : I read over the previous texts btw.

 **Baby** **Potato** : Is mommy still crying?

 **Anger Potato** : Lemme check, he's in the dojo and I'm in my room so it might take a while.

 **Baby Potato** : 'Kay.

 **Triple Potato** : So, while we wait on that, do you want to talk about what happened?

 **Baby Potato** : No. Not really.

 **Triple Potato** : Alright, but you know you can talk to us at any point, right?

 **Baby** **Potato** : Yeah, Don. I know.

 **Anger Potato** : Alright, so he was crying like a baby when I got into the dojo, but then I showed him Mikey's texts and he calmed down. He should be screaming like a chat banshee in right about... now.

 **Mother Potato** : MIKEY! ARE YOU OKAY?! DID YOU GET HURT?! IS ANYTHING SCRATCHED?! BRUISED?! SPRAINED?! TWISTED?!

 **Spud Family Pet** : No offense, Leo, but I think the only thing with all of those things is your caps lock key.


	16. Salad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, the 2003 turtles and 2012 turtles are interacting. The 2012 turtles will be the Spud Family in this chapter (2012 Mikey is still the admin), and the 2003 turtles will be considered the Fancy Family. You'll see why.
> 
> Screen Names (Fancy Family):
> 
> Leo: White Wine
> 
> Raph: Red Whine
> 
> Donnie: Cheese With It
> 
> Mikey: Toss My Salad
> 
> April: Chardonnay
> 
> Casey: Licorice
> 
> *Gomi Gumi is a made-up Australian pop star for this specific chapter

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Added **White Wine** to the Chat~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Added **Red Wine** to the Chat~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Added **Cheese With It** to the Chat~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Added **Toss My Salad** to the Chat~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Added **Chardonnay** to the Chat~_

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Added **Licorice** to the Chat~_

**Licorice** : Uhh... wtf is with these names?

**Spud Family Pet** : Don't question it.

**Spud Family Pet** : Trust me, it's best not to.

**Baby Potato** : You should listen to Casey, Casey.

**Baby Potato** : If you know what's best for you, that is.

**Licorice** : Was that a threat?

**Toss My Salad** : I dunno, you tell him.

**Red Wine** : Ya always have ta involve yourself in things you don't belong in, don't ya knucklehead?

**Anger Potato** : In every universe.

**Toss My Salad** : Not my fault you can't handle a challenge.

**Sister Potato** : Who are you talking to?

**Toss My Salad** : He knows.

**Baby Potato** : That I do.

**Toss My Salad** : :3

**Baby Potato** : UwU

**Toss My Salad** : OwO

**Baby Potato** : >_>

**Baby Potato** : <_<

**Baby Potato** : ILY

**Toss My Salad** : O/////O

**Toss My Salad** : ILY 2

**Baby Potato** : How much?

**Toss My Salad** : So much.

**Baby Potato** : <3

**Toss My Salad** : <3 <3 <3

**Licorice** : This entire conversation is honestly the weirdest fucking thing I have ever read...

**Anger Potato** : Same.

**Red Wine** : I've seen worse.

**Spud Family Pet** : Hey, where are the Leos, Donnies, and Aprils in all of this?

**Mother Potato** : I choose to let these things play themselves out.

**White Wine** : Same here.

**Baby Potato** : Gomi Gumi.

**Toss My Salad** : I'd let him my name any day.

**Triple Potato** : Gross.

**Cheese With It** : Mikey, seriously?

**Cheese With It** : That was really inappropriate.

**Sister Potato** : It's late. These two should really be in bed.

**Chardonnay** : They should have been in bed two hours ago. It's 12:24 in the morning.

**Toss My Salad** : I'm gonna buy myself a one way ticket to Australia.

**Licorice** : What???

**Baby Potato** : Boy, we're not ready yet! We can't be going down under with our big brothers and sisters watching!

**Toss My Salad** : *Gasp* You're right!

**Toss My Salad** : I'll go stand in time out.

**Baby Potato** : You do that.

**Mother Potato** : Why do I feel like there are a bunch of awful things flying over my head?

**Cheese With It** : Because there are.

**Cheese With It** : You should be happy about that.

**Cheese With It** : I sure am.

**Toss My Salad** : I miss you guys.

**Toss My Salad** : Time out is cold and lonely.

**Baby Potato** : It's okay, we still love you.

**Baby Potato** : Sending you smooches!

**Baby Potato** : U3U

**Toss My Salad** : OwO

**Toss My Salad** : Appreciation!

**Toss My Salad** : I've never felt so appreciated!

**Told My Salad** : >w<

**Anger Potato** : Why are you two like this?

**Red Wine** : I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm worried about you Mikey.

**Red Wine** : Leo, why aren't you stopping this?

**Triple Potato** : Both Leos are meditating right now.

**Cheese With It** : They didn't want to deal with this.

**Baby Potato** : I think not!

**Baby Potato** : MOMMY!

**Baby Potato** : MOMMY!

**Baby Potato** : ANSWER ME MOMMY!

**Baby Potato** : ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW!

**Mother Potato** : Michelangelo, _please!_

**Anger Potato** : Wow. That's surprising.

**Red Wine** : What? And why?

**Anger Potato** : Leo was able to wait a decently long time before breaking.

**Red Wine** : What are you talking about? Your Mikey spoke in all caps four times!

**Anger Potato** : I know.

**Anger Potato** : Leo usually responds after Mikey does it once.


	17. Accidental

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is a bit of a darker chapter; it may be a bit too much for some, so if you are sensitive to the topic of Chads, then I advise you not read this chapter.

**Baby Potato** : How to tell awful douche bags that they are making you uncomfortable and being a douche bag

**Triple Potato** : What?

**Baby Potato** : What?

**Baby Potato** : OH NO! DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THAT!

**Triple Potato** : Mikey, is someone harassing you?

**Baby Potato** : NO! I was just... putting that as a joke!

**Triple Potato** : Uh-huh. Sure.

**Triple Potato** : What's his name and what has he been saying to you?

**Baby Potato** : Don, it's no one!

**Baby Potato** : I was just putting down a joke...

**Triple Potato** : Right, and Leo is the queen of England.

**Triple Potato** : Mike, what you just texted is concerning and disturbing. If someone is making you uncomfortable, it's our job as your older brothers to take care of it.

**Baby Potato** : Donnie, I'm the exact same age as the rest of you!

**Baby** **Potato** : I'm old enough to solve my own problems!

**Baby Potato** : I don't have to have you three constantly claiming that I'm too young to deal with this shit on my own!

**Baby Potato** : I'm 16 fucking years old, and I'm pretty much a grown man!

**Baby Potato** : I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want! And you know what?!

**Baby Potato** : I'm going to _keep_ talking to this guy!

**Baby Potato** : At least _he_ doesn't see me as some sort of immature child!

**Triple Potato** : Mikey, are you even _thinking about this?!_

**Triple Potato** : You're doing _exactly what he wants you to do!_

**Triple Potato** : You don't have to go against us to prove a point that doesn't need to be proven!

**Triple Potato** : Mikey?

**Triple Potato** : _MIKEY?!_

**Anger Potato** : Don't worry Don.

**Anger Potato** : Leo's got this.

**Triple Potato** : Thank Plato.

**Triple Potato** : Mikey isn't getting yelled at, is he?

**Anger Potato** : What? O' course not!

**Anger Potato** : Leo's huggin' tha kid and explaining tha situation in a way only that knucklehead understands.

**Triple Potato** : Hmm.

**Anger Potato** : Hey, don't feel bad Braniac. Ya did yer best.

**Anger Potato** : At least ya held yer own until Leo and I got back.

**Triple Potato** : Yeah.

**Anger Potato** : Donnie, he was frustrated. Some rando made him upset and he was actin' on his emotions, it's how he is.

**Triple Potato** : I know, but I was just so convinced that the work I've done with him made him better.

**Triple Potato** : It's like he's gotten worse.

**Anger Potato** : Don't blame yerself Donnie. Just take a break for a second. Leo and I'll make sure to send Mikey to hang out with you after we get him to calm down.

**Triple Potato** : Yeah, alright.

**Triple Potato** : Thanks Raph.

**Anger Potato** : Anytime little bro.


	18. Impressions

**Anger Potato** : Hey Mikey

 **Baby Potato** : Wat?

 **Anger Potato** : Wanna see my impression o' Leo?

 **Baby Potato** : Yea!

 **Anger Potato** : Oh my sweet little baby! You're the most pure being in the world! I can never say no to you for too long! Here! Take this $200,000 and buy the dumbest stuff you can just because you deserve to be spoiled like the prince you are!

 **Spud Family Pet** : Oh please! You call that an impression? That's not even close!

 **Anger Potato** : Oh yeah? How about you try?

 **Spud Family Pet** : You are all my brothers, and I love you very much, but there's one thing you need to know... I love Mikey more.

 **Spud Family Pet** : There isn't any reason as to WHY I love Mikey more, I just do. He is the baby of the family, and therefore automatically deserves to be treated like a prince despite how unfair that is.

 **Triple Potato** : Har-har. How humorous of you to make such a horrible impression.

 **Triple Potato** : _This_ is Leo; My dear, defenseless child! As your oldest brother, and the leader of this group, my instinct to protect you like you're a tiny hatchling has gone through the roof! Sure, I would do anything to protect all of you, but you, Mikey, would most definitely be the one I would save before everyone else!

 **Sister Potato** : Boys, why are you doing this? Making fun of Leo for having such a motherly attitude is pretty rude, don't you think?

 **Spud Family Pet** : C'mon April! We're just joking around! Nothing too serious!

 **Sister** **Potato** : That may be so, Jones, but that isn't an excuse for saying these things.

 **Mother Potato** : I'm assuming that this entire conversation is the reason why Mikey is crying and begging me not to pick favorites, then?

 **Anger Potato** : Wait, the little nutball is crying???

 **Spud Family Pet** : Dude! That isn't what we wanted to happen! We were just having fun!

 **Anger Potato** : Yeah! Plus, he gave me the okay to do it!

 **Mother Potato** : And he told me that, but after seeing what you typed, he started feeling guilty and tackled me onto the ground, practically _begging me_ to not favor him over everyone else.

 **Triple Potato** : Well what did you say?!

 **Mother Potato** : I assured him that what you said wasn't the case. I told him that I love each of you equally, and that I could never live with myself if any of you got hurt. I promised him that I would never leave anyone behind just to make sure he alone was safe, and that my heart is big enough to store enough love for anyone who needs it.

 **Mother Potato** : And do you know what he did to me after that?!

 **Sister Potato** : He hit you, didn't he?

 **Mother Potato** : HE SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE AND THEN KICKED ME IN THE SHIN!

 **Anger Potato** : Hah! Owned!

 **Spud Family Pet** : Heheh, Little Man growing a pair!

 **Triple Potato** : Strange behavior for Mikey. Did you give him any punishments in response?

 **Mother** **Potato** : Yes, I did... and I regret it immensely

 **Triple Potato** : What did you do?

 **Mother Potato** : I slapped him back and grounded him for a month.

 **Spud Family Pet** : O_o

 **Triple Potato** : Ouch.

 **Anger Potato** : You're dead, man.

 **Sister Potato** : Hush, you three.

 **Sister Potato** : Leo, everything will be fine. Mikey will probably be mad for a bit, but it won't last long.

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **Mother Potato** 's Name to: **I Hate You** ~_

**Anger Potato** : Uh-oh.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Gotta run!

 **Triple Potato** : I think I hear an experiment about to explode!

 **Sister Potato** : Oy vey.

 **Sister Potato** : Trust me, Leo; excluding the reaction slap, you did the right thing. This won't last forever. He's 16 years old for crying out loud, and you're like a mother to him! What 16 year old _doesn't_ do this kind of thing at some point?

 **I Hate You** : Yeah... I guess.

 **Sister Potato** : Don't beat yourself up about this. Everything will get better.

 **I Hate You** : I really hope you're right, April.

 **I Hate You** : I really do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Unnecessary angst?! How dare I?!
> 
> Don't worry though, this whole "I Hate You" phase won't last long.


	19. Wise Words

**I Hate You** : Father? May I speak with you?

**Sensei Potato** : Of course, my son. Is something troubling you?

**I Hate You** : Well... yesterday I did something stupid...

**Sensei Potato** : Is it safe of me to assume that it has something to do with your change of names?

**I Hate You** : Hai.

**Sensei Potato** : Very well then. Confide in me.

**I Hate You** : It's just that... well... I was just trying to do what was best for Mikey! I did everything you've always done when we're insecure about false favoritism, but after I did it, he _SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE AND KICKED ME IN THE_ _SHIN!_

**Sensei Potato** : And what did you do in retaliation?

**I Hate You** : I... slapped him back.

**I Hate You** : Then I grounded him for a month.

**Sensei Potato** : My, you certainly have grown into this parental role, haven't you?

**I Hate You** : Hai. It's bad.

**Sensei Potato** : I never said it was bad, Leonardo.

**Sensei Potato** : What I AM saying is that it would be best in these situations to be more of a brother than a mother. Michelangelo needed reassurance, and his mind works differently than the rest of us. Despite what you may think, you, Leonardo, do not have the intense maternal instinct a mother has, and are not able to handle these situations in the effective way a mother would.

**I Hate You** : Unfortunately.

**Sensei Potato** : You must also accept that your brother will not always like your decisions, especially if it is what is best, and he is aware of that.

**Sensei Potato** : Michelangelo loves you, and could never truly hate you.

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **I Hate You** 's Name To: **I Hate You Mommy** ~_

**I Hate You** **Mommy** : Well, it's better than nothing. At least he's coming around.

**Sensei Potato** : My case in point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! We're on our way to forgiveness! :D


	20. A Perfectly Timed Forgiveness

**Anger Potato** : Hey Leo

**I Hate You Mommy** : What, Raph?

**Anger Potato** : Well, since I know you and Mike ain't on great terms, I decided to take on the role of your kid.

**Anger Potato** : So...

**Anger Potato** : Happy Mother's Day or whateva.

**I Hate You Mommy** : Thanks.

**Triple Potato** : Oh yeah! It _is_ Mother's Day!

**Triple Potato** : Happy Mother's Day Leo!

**Sister Potato** : Happy Mother's Day!

**Spud Family Pet** : Happy Mother's Day bro!

**I Hate You Mommy** : Guys, look, I appreciate the attempt at making me feel better, but I'm just not in the mood.

**I Hate You Mommy** : If anything, I would rather cut Mother's Day altogether at this point.

**I Hate You Mommy** : There's no use in it anymore.

_~ **Baby Potato** Has Changed **I Hate You Mommy** 's Name To: **Admin's Mommy Only** ~_

**Anger Potato** : Okay, seriously?!

**Anger Potato** : How many times are you two gonna do this?!

**Triple Potato** : Oh hush Raph!

**Sister Potato** : Boys, please!

**Spud Family Pet** : Why are we yelling?!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Mikey? Do you want to talk?

**Baby Potato** : No.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Is it because of the others?

**Baby Potato** : No.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : You sure?

**Baby Potato** : Yea.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Alright, but you know that you can talk to me whenever you need to.

**Baby Potato** : Yeah, I do mommy.

**Sister Potato** : Aww! So cute!

**Sister Potato** : Why don't you just go ahead and hug already?

**Sister Potato** : It's clear that you want to!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Yes. I really do.

**Baby Potato** : mmm...

**Baby Potato** : Okay.

**Triple Potato** : The mommy and his baby then spent the next five hours cuddling and eating cookies like the children they are.

**Spud Family Pet** : Thus ending the saga of the angry baby and his mama!


	21. Daughter?

**Spud Family Pet** : Hey Leo? Do you think you could tell your daughter to stop yelling every time he comes to my house please?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Uh... daughter?

**Spud Family Pet** : Yeah. Your daughter.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : But I don't... have a daughter...

**Triple Potato** : Yes you do.

**Triple Potato** : Mikey.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : What???

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Mikey isn't my daughter!

**Anger** **Potato** : Yeah! Mikey's more of a... hmm...

**Triple Potato** : Girly boy?

**Sister** **Potato** : Two inch?

**Sensei Potato** : Billy Crystal?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : FATHER!

**Spud Family Pet** : Hell yeah! Splinter's gettin' in on this action!

**Anger Potato** : Yeah! You go Sensei!

**Admin's Mommy** **Only** : With all due respect to everyone, especially Master Splinter, could you all just shut up?!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Mikey is not my daughter! If anything, he's my son!

**Triple Potato** : I dunno Leo, you have a tendency to treat Mikey like a princess almost 24/7.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Oh yeah? Name one time!

**Triple Potato** : How about the time when Mikey asked for a parrot? You said no, but as soon as he started crying you compromised and allowed him to symbollically adopt one of the parrots from the zoo?

**Spud Family Pet** : Oh! And that time Mikey started crying because he ran face first into that nail? Then when Donnie fixed up the injury, Leo spent like... five whole minutes kissing the injury to, and I quote: "Make the boo-boo feel better"?

**Anger Potato** : And then there's the time Mikey fell down the stairs and broke his leg! He was perfectly fine until Leo found out, then he started sobbing until Leo agreed to cuddle with him for the next three hours!

**Sister Potato** : And the time when Mikey spilled that one dish he made that had all of those eggs and veggies in it? He wouldn't stop crying until Leo agreed to postpone training so that he could make the dish again.

**Triple Potato** : Then again, it was a pretty fair agreement. Mikey spent four hours on that dish.

**Spud Family Pet** : You know what this makes me realize?

**Spud Family Pet** : Mikey cries A LOT.

**Sensei Potato** : No, only when Leonardo is around.

**Sensei Potato** : Michelangelo is perfectly fine when his oldest brother isn't present.

**Sensei Potato** : The crying is merely a manipulation tactic Michelangelo has developed to control Leonardo.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Sensei, with all due respect, that is completely false. Mikey doesn't have that level of thinking.

**Anger** **Potato** : Hey Leo! Mikey slipped on a puddle and won't stop crying about it!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : What?! Where is he?! Where is my baby?!

**Anger Potato** : So, he doesn't have that level of thinking, hmm?

**Anger Potato** : This coming from the mom who can't stand even the _thought_ of his baby crying.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Oh hush Raph.

**Baby Potato** : MOMMY! I CAN'T FIND MR. TEDDY!

**Baby Potato** : D':}

**Baby Potato** : Help me mommy!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Don't worry sweetheart! I'll help you find him! Just let me tell the others off first!

**Baby Potato** : Nooooo! Help me noooooooowwww!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Alright fine, I'll help you now.

**Baby Potato** : Thank you mommy.

**Anger Potato** : And Leo wonders why we make fun of him for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: For those who know about my plans to add on to the fanfic "Is It The Autumn That Makes Us Crazy?" by aclassythot, I am working on that, but it will take some time to put together.
> 
> Note 2: Would you agree with everyone's claim that Mikey is Leo's daughter, or do you side with Leo and say that Mikey is more of a son?


	22. A Major Problem

**Triple Potato** : Leo? We really need to have a conversation about Mikey's problem.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Problem? Mikey doesn't have a problem.

**Triple Potato** : Yes. He does.

**Anger** **Potato** : Leo, our brother is a kleptomaniac.

**Baby Potato** : I'm not a klepto.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : He's not a klepto.

**Triple Potato** : Leo, are you even _reading_ what you're typing?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Yes? Why are you asking?

**Anger Potato** : Because you literally did nothing more than repeat what Mikey said.

**Baby Potato** : No he didn't.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : No I didn't.

**Baby Potato** : He just happens to be saying what I say around the same time I happen to say it.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Exactly.

**Anger Potato** : Oh my god, you're possessed.

**Baby Potato** : He's not possessed.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : I'm not possessed.

**Baby Potato** : That's ridiculous.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : It really is.

**Anger Potato** : Donnie, ya gotta make a machine!

**Anger Potato** : Make a machine that'll stop this madness!

**Baby Potato** : Raphie, you're being really mean right now.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Well, I wouldn't say mean. More like... excessively pushy.

**Baby** **Potato** : No mommy, he's being mean.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Alright, whatever.

**Anger Potato** : Possession!


	23. Acceptable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame Bob's Burgers for this chapter.

**Baby Potato** : Damn, ass, hell.

 **Baby Potato** : These are the words we are allowed to say in every day speech from now on.

 **Anger Potato** : Works for me.

 **Triple Potato** : Okay.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Cool.

 **Sister Potato** : Huh?

 **Father Potato** : Michelangelo, what are you talking about?

 **Baby Potato** : Leo and I got into an argument about which "curse words" are acceptable to say in every day speech.

 **Baby Potato** : At first, all I could say was heck, crap, darn, and a few others that are honestly really stupid.

 **Baby Potato** : But now, because of my great persuasion skills, I am able to replace those silly words with milder curse words.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Just because I gave you permission to use the words doesn't mean you can use them in every day speech, Mikey.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : I just told you that you can use them when "absolutely necessary".

 **Anger Potato** : So... never, in your book?

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Precisely.

 **Baby Potato** : Fuck.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : _MICHELANGELO!_

 **Anger Potato** : Whoa

 **Triple Potato** : Uh...

 **Spud Family Pet** : Didn't expect that.

 **Sister Potato** : Okay then.

 **Father Potato** : And there it is.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Mikey! How dare you use such a word?!

 **Baby Potato** : Wut word?

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : You know what word!

 **Spud Family Pet** : He means the F-word.

 **Anger Potato** : The Big Boy Curse.

 **Triple Potato** : That Which Shall Not Be Mentioned.

 **Sister Potato** : The Unspeakable.

 **Father Potato** : The Unholy.

 **Baby Potato** : Still don't know what you're talking about.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Yes you do!

 **Baby Potato** : No... I really don't.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Mikey, don't start with me!

 **Baby Potato** : I'm not starting anything! You're just upset because you think I said something!

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID!

 **Baby** **Potato** : No I don't!

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Oh goddamn it Mikey! You said _FUCK!_

 **Baby Potato** : Whoa! Mom! That's not a nice word!

 **Anger Potato** : This is the best thing I've ever seen.

 **Triple Potato** : I concur.

 **Spud Family Pet** : Never thought I'd see this.

 **Sister Potato** : You and me both.

 **Father Potato** : I am going to go meditate now.

 **Father Potato** : Leonardo, mayhaps it would be best if you joined me.

 **Father Potato** : To lower your stress and free yourself from such words.

 **Admin's Mommy Only** : Mikey, you're grounded for the rest of your life!

 **Baby Potato** : Worth it!


	24. Why? Just Why?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Today's gone by really fast.

**Triple Potato** : Mhm.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Is it just me, or have these last few weeks just been flying by like nothing?

**Anger** **Potato** : Probably just you. Time's been goin' pretty slow for me.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Seriously? That's strange.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Don? What about you?

**Triple Potato** : Things have been going fairly decent paced for me, but I think it has something more to do with perception.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Huh. Strange.

**Admin's Mommy** **Only** : So... have either of you been up to anything interesting lately?

**Triple Potato** : Well, I've been working with April to try and create a new type of pharmaceutical capable of deflecting sunlight 10x better than any sunscreen!

**Anger Potato** : Wow, how interesting.

**Anger Potato** : If you couldn't tell, I'm being sarcastic.

**Triple Potato** : I could tell, Raph.

**Anger** **Potato** : :)

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Can we not go one day without insulting someone, please? I get that it's playful, but I'd like to get through one daily group chat without seeing someone say something slightly rude.

**Anger** **Potato** : Wouldn't have to if I wasn't given any reason to do so.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : What did Donnie do to give you reason to tease?

**Anger Potato** : Be the only other little brother here besides Mike.

**Triple Potato** : Oh yeah! That's what's missing here!

**Triple Potato** : Where is our nutball of a baby brother, Leo?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : He's in his room coloring.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : I told him that he had a choice of either doing that or spending the day meditating with me.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Father gave me the instruction to do it, and I think we all know what Mikey would have done even before the ideas were presented to him.

**Triple Potato** : Aww, baby bro just sitting in his room coloring!

**Triple Potato** : Why is that so cute to think about?

**Anger Potato** : Beats me. I don't find it cute.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Really? I just came back from asking Mikey what he was coloring.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : You know what he said?

**Anger Potato** : If you say a picture of us holding hands, I will square up with Casey.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Close.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : He's coloring a picture of us playing with a puppy.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : He... really wants a puppy.

**Triple Potato** : You gonna get him one?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Of course not! We don't have the resources nor the room!

**Triple** **Potato** : Well, he's taking care of his cat fairly well.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Whose side are you on, Don?

**Triple Potato** : The winning side.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : I. Am not. Getting him. A puppy.

**Anger Potato** : Not even if he starts crying?

**Admin's Mommy Only** : ...

**Admin's Mommy Only** : No.

**Triple Potato** : I'll get the puppy food and other supplies ready!

**Anger Potato** : I'll find ya a place ta hide the dog.

**Sister Potato** : You can hide it at my house.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : APRIL!

**Spud Family Pet** : Ay! I can come down and play with it from time to time!

**Admin's Mommy Only** : CASEY!

**Father Potato** : I assume you all plan on training this dog to be as obedient as possible.

**Father Potato** : And then some.

**Admin's Mommy Only** : Right now, I despise you all.


End file.
